How to Learn to Trust Again

When the person you love and trust betrays you, it can be earth shattering and make you feel that you will never be able to trust again. Learning to trust again is a difficult thing to do but if you have made the decision to stick with the relationship and forgive him or her for betraying your trust you have to learn to deal with your own suspicions and paranoia in a positive way. Only the betrayer can take the steps required to earn your trust back but there are some steps that you can take to make it easier for you to start trusting again.


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1.A major problem that keeps couples from building trust back is lack of full disclosure. Your partner must recognize and disclose information to you so that you can have closure on the subject. Not having all your questions answered only leads to a wandering mind and you coming to your own conclusions as to what really happened. Talk with your partner and let him or her know that the only way to get through this is to once and for all come clean on the entire situation. Healing can not happen until everything is out in the open and there is no more lingering doubt.

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2.Determination to make things work and a positive attitude about how you feel towards your partner can make a big difference in how you behave around him or her after a betrayal. If you hold onto feelings of resentment they will come through no matter how hard you try to hide them and in the end will make both of you bitter about the other.

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3.Learn to let go of what happened. Don't bring up the past if it's something you have decided to work through. You can't throw it in your partners face every time he or she does something that is wrong. You will never forget what has happened but if you have chose to forgive, you have to REALLY forgive and move on.

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4.Don't let your paranoia be the destructive piece behind your relationship. You may feel the need to "police" your partners actions, but spying is an act of betrayal and doesn't do anything to further building trust in your relationship. Realize that if your partner is going to betray your trust again, no amount of spying is going to keep them from doing it. You probably found out about the initial betrayal without spying, and most likely if it happens again you will find out about that too.

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5.Seek help from couples counseling. Sometimes it takes a non-biased opinion to help you get through a betrayal in the relationship. Therapists are there to listen, not judge, and will often put you on the right path to opening those doors to trust again. You may even seek out individual counseling if you continue having problems trusting in people.
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